2:27am

It’s 2:27am as of when I’m writing this. I’ve just battled a horde of maggots that took refuge in my bin. I should be sleeping, but I’m hungry, thirsty, burnt out and feeling like my efforts aren’t paying off in the ways I’d hoped.

Back then, you were rest assured that talent, team and consistency would get you far. Now, it’s constantly scrolling for answers, paying your way to algorithmic favours—which is what pisses me off the most. Like I’m supposed to pay for reach on a platform I subscribe to, with content I paid to feature on said platform, just to earn trinkets worth nothing? Then I have to pay for publicity, pay for equipment, pay for strategic meetings, pay for ads… I haven’t even gotten to real life yet.

My whole life is stuck behind a f****** paywall!

Why did I start this?

Oh yeah.

I plan on hosting a potluck party, tied to my music listening party and all… I bought a speaker that was supposed to sound great outdoors.

It’s shit.

And then I look at how much I’ve put into this music this year alone: the masks, the CDs, the camera, the wires, headphones, laptops, NFCs…

To what end?

I’m still standing on my two feet and I can’t even feel them. This sucks. I’m frustrated and I’m freaking the f*** out.

And yet, I’ve come too far to quit now, right?

It should pay off now, right?

I could just chug down the remaining vodka in my bag if that’d help me sleep, but alcohol doesn’t work like that.

2:41am now.

I’ve got somewhere to be at 11. See if I can catch like four hours of sleep before the madness sets in.

The wind finally notices me.

I can sleep now…

I hope.

(Still awake)